Have You Decided To Divorce And You Need Support?
- Do you wonder how you are going to get through your divorce?
- Is this transition disrupting your life and causing confusion and uncertainty?
- Are your emotions clouding your judgment to make clear decisions?
- Do you wish there was a way to get unbiased support to help with the divorce process?
It’s a devastating moment when you realize that you and your partner are headed for divorce. In many ways it can feel like a death has occurred—you’ve lost the dreams and expectations you once shared as the life you’ve built together reaches an end. Regardless of the reasons for divorce, this transition will undoubtedly disrupt your life for some time to come.
You may be feeling guilty or ashamed for having ended up here, or deep sadness and disappointment that the marriage failed. The uncertainty you’re feeling about the future can manifest as fear, anxiety, stress, and anger. You might be worrying over big decisions—like who’s going to get the house or how visitation will work—but the conversations you try to have with your partner about these things end up as arguments with no resolution.
If you have children, you might wonder how to tell them about the divorce and how they’re going to handle the upheaval that comes along with it. Perhaps you’re concerned about how this will affect your relationship with them. If you’re hurt inside, you may have a short temper, causing you to lash out at them and then feel guilty about it.
Fortunately, divorce counseling for couples can help you and your partner communicate effectively so you can resolve conflict and go your separate ways peacefully.
Divorce Is A Common Event, But It May Take Longer Than You Think For The Dust To Settle
According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (2017), a little less than 50 percent of marriages end in divorce¹. A common reason couples split up has to do with a lack of work-life balance. Most families are dual-income households these days, so the stressors of juggling career, family, and personal life can put undue strain on a marriage.
Additionally, one of the main reasons couples choose to get a divorce is because they are unable to communicate effectively. Their inability to express their wants and needs to each other is often why they’ve ended up on the brink of divorce—therefore, it’s not surprising that this failure to communicate often worsens when they decide to go their separate ways. Some couples choose to communicate via their lawyers after a certain point, which only creates more tension, bitterness, and financial stress.
Having reached the decision to divorce, it’s common for couples to feel confused about how to proceed. Many of them don’t realize that divorce can be a long, drawn-out process, creating a long-term state of discomfort for both themselves, their kids, and each other. Even when a decision is reached, the proceedings won’t be finalized for a year or more in most cases. In the meantime, they might be dealing with the stress of cohabitating under the same roof or getting used to the “new normal” of a separation.
The level of hurt we inflict upon one other can make it difficult to set aside emotions and work together on healthy uncoupling. We often struggle to separate the emotional damage we’ve sustained from the practicalities of the divorce proceeding. Commonly we adopt a tunnel vision when it comes to our spouse’s behavior. For example, we may have decided that they’re selfish, so all that we see confirms this conclusion and anything that contradicts it is ignored.
If you’re like many couples who have reached this point, you’re probably wondering how you can make the process as painless as possible from here on out. The good news is that with the proper guidance and support, you can find common ground and get through your divorce amicably.
Counseling Can Help You Navigate The Rocky Road Of Divorce
The therapists at The Davis Group are committed to providing the unbiased support you need to make mutual decisions surrounding your divorce that will have a long-term impact on your lives. We give you both a neutral, judgment-free environment where you will be able to communicate in the presence of a specialized counselor, which decreases the probability of your conversation ending up at an impasse.
We recognize that you or your partner may be caught up in the emotional aspects of the break-up and therefore unable to make the decisions necessary for the divorce process to move forward. Oftentimes, you’ve reached an impasse because you’re no longer able to validate each other’s emotions based on your contrasting perspectives. Your counselor will validate how you’re each feeling so that you can feel heard and understood. Once your feelings have been validated, you won’t be stuck any longer and will be able to move forward in your decision-making.
Divorce counseling sessions are designed to be short-term. Our goal is to be solutions-focused. Rather than rehash what led to the divorce, we will help you find common ground with your partner for making decisions moving forward. It’s normal to come to divorce counseling with many disagreements to overcome. We will guide you toward resolving those disagreements and making collective decisions that are no longer tainted by emotion.
There are probably topics you’ve been unable to discuss without arguing, so you could benefit from having the unbiased support of a trained therapist involved. Perhaps you need to determine what the long-term living situation will look like, or how to equitably distribute shared assets. You may need to figure out a fair and reasonable visitation schedule, or at what point you will tell your kids about the divorce.
Similar to a marriage therapist, a divorce counselor will never tell you or your spouse what to do. Rather, they will guide you to make your own decisions and help you gain clarity and closure. Once you’ve gained this fresh perspective you can then begin to process the divorce and create a new life for yourself.
You may begin our sessions feeling unfocused and overwhelmed. In divorce therapy, you will begin to realize there is an end in sight. Even though it may still be far away, just knowing it exists can help you feel more stable and supported. After all, finding a middle ground is the only way to move forward. Our team of trained experts will help you find that middle ground and resolve the uncertainty divorce can bring.
But you may still be wondering whether divorce counseling is right for you……
How do we know if we need divorce counseling?
If the emotional pain becomes too much for you to handle on your own and you’re simply unable to communicate with your partner, divorce counseling for couples can help you through this time. Especially if you have kids, it’s important that you attend to your emotional needs so that you’re able to provide support for your children.
Do you recommend we see the same therapist for individual counseling as well, since they know our entire context?
It’s always recommended that your individual counselor remains separate from your divorce counselor. If individual counseling is necessary, we can refer another therapist at The Davis Group who is qualified to help you address your needs. This holistic approach to care will help ensure that you and your therapy team are all on the same page.
In individual counseling sessions, we will help you make sense of your life now that it has been turned upside down. After you’re able to process your anger and hurt, we will help you recognize what your role in the divorce was so you don’t make the same mistakes the second time around.
What if we’re still contemplating divorce but haven’t made a firm decision yet?
We use a process called discernment counseling (similar to couples counseling with a few important differences) to help couples decide whether divorce is the right option. Sometimes after a decision to divorce is made, you may struggle with whether it’s the right call or not. Discernment counseling helps couples who are still uncertain about how to move forward. The Davis Group has therapists who specialize in this sort of counseling.